Why do couples come for counselling

Couples that are suffering find themselves in cycles of conflict for many reasons. Some common reasons are listed below.

• Feelings of being blamed and criticised

• Lack of intimacy and sex.

• Communication Breakdown

• Defensiveness

• Trust Issues

• Feelings of not being heard or listened to

• Infidelity or suspicion of Infidelity

• Financial stress on a relationship

• Household Chores

• Pressure from Extended Family

• Work Pressures

• Parenting Issues

• Repetitive Patterns of arguing or silence

A conflict with your partner can make you feel attacked or threatened, vulnerable and weak, and this can make you recoil and retreat. When things your partner does upsets you and you feel that you’re under siege, you’re less likely to respond constructively and more likely to resort to old standbys like “the silent treatment” that, ultimately, do more harm than good. This will eventually cause your relationship to break down completely.

If anyone asked you if you knew how to resolve conflict, you’d probably say yes, and if they asked you whether the silent treatment was a smart way to deal with conflict, you’d almost certainly say no. You know better than to resort to these tactics, but if you’re hurt enough, you do it anyway. Why? Basically, because we fall back on maladaptive patterns or behavioral responses learned from early developmental years. Learning how to replace our responses with healthier response styles will equip, strengthen, and actually fix the communication issues at hand?

A conflict becomes harmful when you’re focused on defending yourself from attack rather than on solving the problem. By focusing on your pain and suffering, you are ensuring you’ll experience more of the same because where focus goes, energy flows. In other words, whatever we consistently focus on is exactly what we will experience in our lives.